Sex After Weight-loss Surgery, What's The Deal?

Let’s get right to it. There are many opinions about when is the “right” time to have sex after weight loss surgery. It’s safe to say that a definite answer will be hard to find down to the day. The best piece of advice I can extend to you is to consult with your doctor but most importantly consult with your body.  You must check-in with yourself before having sex again. It can be expected that sex within the first few weeks after surgery will cause some discomfort perhaps even pain. So don’t rush it.

two woman dancing
Now, that we’ve got that cleared cue Salt-n-Pepa:
Let's talk about sex, baby
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be!

You’re gonna want to have more sex.  

Yeah, your libido is going to go through the roof especially after you’re down about 25lbs. At first, you may feel odd about how much your needs grow. But I dare you to take a moment to really understand the changes you are undergoing. Right after surgery, your hormones levels tend to fluctuate, for women the estrogen levels increase and contribute to the sex drive. After year one the hormones begin to stabilize but before then life is filled with plenty of new intense feelings. Remember its perfectly fine for you to be feeling yourself, you may find it easier to move around, and that in turn will increase your confidence causing your appetite for sex to heighten. Enjoy it! Try some new moves, and relax. Remember that you are deserving of great sex regardless of your size not because of it.

You’ll become adventurous.

Again, relax it’s not like you’ll be having sex in the wild jungle….or maybe you will if you. Due to your new found mobility, you’ll become open to trying new things. Yes, I do mean new positions. Be sure that your partner is someone you trust especially the first few times, as much as you’ll be enjoying the physical changes of your body, your old mental programming may creep in at unwanted times leading to feelings of insecurity or embarrassment. When this happens it’s important to feel comfortable to speak up about these issues.  Adventure is everywhere and you may find yourself wanting to get adventurous in places once seen as unorthodox like the car. Before surgery, you probably couldn’t imagine car sex due to your body size. Well, that’s all very possible now. I say always be responsible, don’t do it in the driver seat, and always put the car in park but go for it!

You may experience vaginal dryness.

As unattractive as this may sound it's completely normal and happens to all women regardless of having undergone weight loss surgery. Speaking to your gynecologist can help to find solutions. Some women report having cysts which caused discomfort and vaginal dryness. Another great resource is speaking to a nutritionist, you eating may be significantly imbalanced. Together with an experienced medical team, a resolution can be found. If the problem persists, seek out different lubricants. There are so many fun varieties from water-based lubes that are less sticky to flavored sugar-free lubricants. Have fun with it!

Things may get weird.

We know weight loss surgery comes with many disclaimers. We know it doesn’t treat our mental state and while our confidence does increase as a result of our physical bodies changing it doesn’t mean that our lives will be perfect overnight. Changing your mentality takes active work, and the reality is we may not feel comfortable in our new smaller bodies. In fact, you may even have moments where your mind will erase our progress leading you to believe you’re still in your pre-op body. These things tend to show during intimacy. A great way to combat this is to be in a supportive environment, talk to a therapist, and visit support groups to help change the narrative in your mind about yourself. Also, take plenty of pictures throughout your weight loss to help you keep a clear view of where you started and how far you’ve gone.

However, wherever, and with whomever, you choose to share these brand new sexual experiences it’s imperative to keep it safe! Use protection, get tested and speak up about any discomfort you may be feeling. Sex is meant to be a safe collaborative effort and if you’re solely aiming to please the other person then it won’t be a positive experience. Have fun!

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